Sunday, February 14, 2010

A (Un)Love Letter to my Cancer


Dear Cancer,

Before all of this, I had everything. I was going places and doing things before you showed up. I had a wonderful college experience, I got married, I had pets and I got into grad school. Just around when you decided to pop your little fucking head, offers started rolling in; going to conferences, working on research teams, teaching courses... Yeah, things were really looking up until I started to feel tired. All the time. But like a bad feeling just can't shake, I was always hounded by fatigue. Even if I slept 14 hours, there was a feeling that I was just unwell. I attributed all of this to my long work hours but then I noticed a lump over my collarbone which really distressed me. I had a cold the week before I was diagnosed and thought perhaps my lymph nodes were swollen. I ignored the signs for five whole weeks until I finally succumbed and went to see a doctor.
They figured out that YOU were the reason I was sick all the time. I've had to put up with all sorts of shit on account of you. I had surgery, biopsies, chemo and now radiation. I've lost my hair and tossed my cookies more times than I would like to recall. You thought you could get away with it, did you?
If I could, I would kick your ass so hard that you'd digress back to your mitotic stage and forget about even messing with me in the first place. If you ever come back I swear I will kill you.

NO LOVE,
Susan

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