Monday, February 27, 2012

The Very Definition of..

sick·ly   [sik-lee] -li·er, -li·est, adverb, verb, -lied, -ly·ing.
adjective
1. not strong; unhealthy; ailing.
2. of, connected with, or arising from ill health: a sickly complexion.
3. marked by the prevalence of ill health, as a region: the epidemic left the town sickly.
4. causing sickness.
5. Nauseating.


The Very Definition Of
Oh I'm sorry, does my port scar nauseate you?
Do I make the hair on the back of your neck stick up?
Does the thought make you cross yourself?
Thank-your-lucky stars that it didn't happen to you?
The oh-so-very-special you?
Did you panic imagining yourself sitting in that hospital bed
gratefully eating butterscotch pudding and saltines
asking the universe to give you the strength to keep it down?
Did you envision your body becoming lost in wires, lines, and devices designed to keep you alive?
Did you imagine your body treated like a living experiment
the newest receptacle for medical science?

Did you imagine losing your hair?
Did you imagine losing yourself?

My body refuses to fit your rigid little boxes. I'm breaking through this shit with some advice: Never call me "sickly".

Sunday, February 26, 2012

The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off. --Gloria Steinem

Monday, February 6, 2012

Peripheral Neuropathy

Ugh. Just...Ugh.

Considering that I did not have a super long chemo treatment regimen, I thought that I might be exempt from "Peripheral Neuropathy"...capital P, capital N!

DUN DUN DUNNNNN!!!!

"Perpipheral Neuropathy" just sounds so..mysterious and scary, right? But once you do get it, man does it feel WEIRD! It's like I stuck my finger in a light socket, electric waves shooting up and down my arm. Sometimes it feels like I slept on it and I start getting those weird weak, numb feelings deep in my right arm. I like to try to convince myself that it's from all of the crazy typing, note-taking, and computer work that I've been doing since I got into my grad program.

I was wondering if any cancer survivors reading out there have ever had long-term eye twitching and/or ocular migraines as a side effect of chemo/radiation treatment. I once had a really strange headache, paired with a "ring" or "aura" in my left eye. Everything seemed to feel like I was looking through a fish bowl lens. I am definitely due for a check-up so I'll be sure to bring this up with my doc, but that weird migraine really, really freaked me out. I've heard from other cancer patients that chemo can mess with your vision. Hopefully it isn't anything serious. o_O

I've been really bad about keeping up with my health since I got to Texas. I had to wait for my insurance to kick in (December) and now I'm on the hunt for new oncologist that won't break the bank. Health care is so damned expensive. I'm still paying off bills I incurred in 2009! I honestly cannot afford to get sick again and it amazes me that anyone can stay healthy in this damn country! Moreover, I have to make sure that this person is "in my network" so I don't have to pay more. I can hardly afford to pay my bills and keep food on the table, let alone pay extra for my long-term follow-up care.

Ugh..Just Ugh!

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Weeping

A fellow Smithie lost her battle with cancer, January 30th, 2012. This disease is relentless.

Please keep the Capen family in your thoughts.

http://kirbystrong.wordpress.com/