Soooo its been a while since I heard from TWU and I found out that I can track my application status online. So, I started an online account and saw that it said "incomplete". Panicked, I emailed admissions and they told me that I was "missing" my GRE scores.
Wait. What?
The department website doesn't require GRE scores! Apparently admissions "messed up" with regards to my application status and my materials should be allowed to be reviewed by the department now. WTF, seriously? If the department made decisions already, I might be royally F'ed. I'm most definitely going to inquire about the reasons for rejection if I get a denial letter. auuughhhhh seriously people!!
I won't be able to relax until I hear back...
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Monday, February 21, 2011
Home, Home on the Range!
Texas is really flat, hot and dusty. But I think I like it. :)
I had a really great interview for the doctoral program. The interviewer at the academic preview asked if I had heard back from the department yet and when I said no, she said she would "talk to the Director" about my application. She also mentioned that I have "a lot to offer the department". :) Please, please, please let that be a positive sign. PLEASE.
At this point, one way or the other, I just want to know. I'm dying because today, there was no mail due to the holiday. Tomorrow, the mail resumes and I am hoping, hoping, HOPING that something will come tomorrow.
I need it to come soon or I'm going to start ripping my hair out.
I had a really great interview for the doctoral program. The interviewer at the academic preview asked if I had heard back from the department yet and when I said no, she said she would "talk to the Director" about my application. She also mentioned that I have "a lot to offer the department". :) Please, please, please let that be a positive sign. PLEASE.
At this point, one way or the other, I just want to know. I'm dying because today, there was no mail due to the holiday. Tomorrow, the mail resumes and I am hoping, hoping, HOPING that something will come tomorrow.
I need it to come soon or I'm going to start ripping my hair out.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Top Ten Things You Should Never Say to Cancer Patients/Survivors
1. "Everything happens for a reason." What was the reason for me having this horrible disease, again?
2. "You'll be fine." So, now you have a crystal ball..
3. "I know how you feel!" I'm pretty sure you don't...
4. "You're finished with chemo/radiation? I bet you're glad THAT'S over!" No shit, Sherlock.
5. "You should keep a positive attitude and relax blah blah blah..." We hear the mind over body shit a zillion times a day by people who've never had cancer. We're tired of hearing it.
6. "We can beat this!" It's just me facing cancer here.
7. "Feeling tired/nauseated/whathaveyou? Then try this new_________". We simply DON'T NEED outside advice. Almost 100% of the time, those new fangled medications, foods, exotic supplements never work and can actually be harmful. We have oncologists, so we don't need your advice.
8. "If there's anything I can do for you, just let me know." Thanks. Really helpful. How about offering your time and talents instead of placing the burden of asking for help on the patient?
9. "Believe in miracles!" I just simply hate this saying and it is completely unhelpful; as if I'm supposed to wait for an act of god or something?
10. "What was having cancer like?" Oh yeah, It was greeeeaaaat!
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
"...For your in-flight entertainment"
Okay, the important things first:
1. CT was clear. No little beasties coming back or anything!
2. It has been exactly a year since I finished chemotherapy treatment
3. I am ridiculously tired right now..haven't slept a WINK yet!
4. I AM WRITING THIS BLOG POST FROM AN AIRPLANE!!!!
I'm on my way to the open house at TWU and I'm flying into DFW. Unfortunately, the night before, I had a conference proposal and abstract due and I stayed up all night finishing my submission. At this point, I have no idea what I wrote. I feel like it was all babble, but it probably made sense at the time.
Also of extreme importance: 9 bucks for in-flight internet = TOTALLY WORTH IT.
It's amazing how the internet can make you feel human again.
1. CT was clear. No little beasties coming back or anything!
2. It has been exactly a year since I finished chemotherapy treatment
3. I am ridiculously tired right now..haven't slept a WINK yet!
4. I AM WRITING THIS BLOG POST FROM AN AIRPLANE!!!!
I'm on my way to the open house at TWU and I'm flying into DFW. Unfortunately, the night before, I had a conference proposal and abstract due and I stayed up all night finishing my submission. At this point, I have no idea what I wrote. I feel like it was all babble, but it probably made sense at the time.
Also of extreme importance: 9 bucks for in-flight internet = TOTALLY WORTH IT.
It's amazing how the internet can make you feel human again.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Post-treatment Thingys and Gross Rantings
Hey cancer babes and allies,
I've been noticing some post-treatment side effects. The docs said that I should expect it, but hey, a gal can dream, right?
In addition to this LOVELY consolation prize... (yeah thats a keloid scar where my port used to be)
I get a random a dry cough. YAY! Nothing can be done about it, seeing has how my lung tissue has been scarred. Also, the color of my skin between my shoulders is now a slightly different tint than the skin that didn't get radiated. It's in this lovely box-like shape that will never go away. You know that tiny sheen of peach fuzz normal human beings sometimes have on their necks (well, people without facial hair)? Where they radiated my throat and chest the hair follicles died. I now have this really neat and visibly obvious pattern where hair clearly grows and does not grow. Great...partial allopecia of the neck hair. Why couldn't they have radiated my upper lip instead? Starting to look like Frida Khalo; although...that might not be a bad thing?
Ohhhh yes. And the fatigue and insomnia patterns. The energy levels have definitely improved, but I don't think I will ever be the same old Susie as I was before. I have racing thoughts sometimes and then there are other times when you couldn't drag me out of bed even if there was a fire or my thesis got accidentally shredded.
I swear, its like my body has never given me the chance to just be healthy and normal looking...ever. I'm going to be one of those people that always has something going on with their bodies, always some new fangled medication or surgery that I need to get. In searching for advice for surgery procedures, I've seen some of the biggest whiners. Granted, they've probably never been through what I had to go through, so I give them some credit, but COME ON! Crying about wisdom teeth removal and fear of "not waking up" after the procedure?!??!
If I could give them just a couple of moments of my time, I'd tell them about the great chest device I had INSTALLED INTO MY NECK AND HEART and the wonderful "pulling" sensation I remember WHILE I WAS AWAKE FOR THE PROCEDURE. It's a sensation that, when reminiscing, sends icky chills down my spine and gives me goosebumps. I would have given anything to have my wisdom teeth removed instead of this whole, oh you know, cancer thing. I'm not trying to knock people's fears, but seriously folks, they give you a pill and you forget the whole thing. A few hours later, you wake-up on your couch with reruns of Seinfeld blaring in the fuzzy background that is your consciousness. Plus you get to eat all sorts of yummy pureed things whereas with cancer, you'd be lucky to get down a half a can of Ensure.
Let's see, I also have these broken capillaries underneath my eyelids that give off a blackish/yellow tinge as a result of chemo. Usually I cover them up with a brightener, but still...another great long-term side effect. My nails are also ridiculously brittle and like to peel. I have to keep them constantly painted to prevent the chipping or breaking from getting too serious. Similarly, my skin feels like it will never get moisturized. I drink lots of water, exfoliate and moisturize at home, but it will never feel the same. *sigh* I just wish I could be a normal human being and not like a medical experiment gone terribly wrong.
Oh, random fact about ABVD treatment. I can NEVER go scuba diving or mountain climbing for the rest of my life. Apparently, being exposed to one of these drugs makes using oxygen intense devices like scuba gear dangerous and poses a risk to blowing up my lung or something equally as horrendous!
Ahhhh yes, cancer: The gift that keeps on giving.
I've been noticing some post-treatment side effects. The docs said that I should expect it, but hey, a gal can dream, right?
In addition to this LOVELY consolation prize... (yeah thats a keloid scar where my port used to be)
I get a random a dry cough. YAY! Nothing can be done about it, seeing has how my lung tissue has been scarred. Also, the color of my skin between my shoulders is now a slightly different tint than the skin that didn't get radiated. It's in this lovely box-like shape that will never go away. You know that tiny sheen of peach fuzz normal human beings sometimes have on their necks (well, people without facial hair)? Where they radiated my throat and chest the hair follicles died. I now have this really neat and visibly obvious pattern where hair clearly grows and does not grow. Great...partial allopecia of the neck hair. Why couldn't they have radiated my upper lip instead? Starting to look like Frida Khalo; although...that might not be a bad thing?
Ohhhh yes. And the fatigue and insomnia patterns. The energy levels have definitely improved, but I don't think I will ever be the same old Susie as I was before. I have racing thoughts sometimes and then there are other times when you couldn't drag me out of bed even if there was a fire or my thesis got accidentally shredded.
I swear, its like my body has never given me the chance to just be healthy and normal looking...ever. I'm going to be one of those people that always has something going on with their bodies, always some new fangled medication or surgery that I need to get. In searching for advice for surgery procedures, I've seen some of the biggest whiners. Granted, they've probably never been through what I had to go through, so I give them some credit, but COME ON! Crying about wisdom teeth removal and fear of "not waking up" after the procedure?!??!
If I could give them just a couple of moments of my time, I'd tell them about the great chest device I had INSTALLED INTO MY NECK AND HEART and the wonderful "pulling" sensation I remember WHILE I WAS AWAKE FOR THE PROCEDURE. It's a sensation that, when reminiscing, sends icky chills down my spine and gives me goosebumps. I would have given anything to have my wisdom teeth removed instead of this whole, oh you know, cancer thing. I'm not trying to knock people's fears, but seriously folks, they give you a pill and you forget the whole thing. A few hours later, you wake-up on your couch with reruns of Seinfeld blaring in the fuzzy background that is your consciousness. Plus you get to eat all sorts of yummy pureed things whereas with cancer, you'd be lucky to get down a half a can of Ensure.
Let's see, I also have these broken capillaries underneath my eyelids that give off a blackish/yellow tinge as a result of chemo. Usually I cover them up with a brightener, but still...another great long-term side effect. My nails are also ridiculously brittle and like to peel. I have to keep them constantly painted to prevent the chipping or breaking from getting too serious. Similarly, my skin feels like it will never get moisturized. I drink lots of water, exfoliate and moisturize at home, but it will never feel the same. *sigh* I just wish I could be a normal human being and not like a medical experiment gone terribly wrong.
Oh, random fact about ABVD treatment. I can NEVER go scuba diving or mountain climbing for the rest of my life. Apparently, being exposed to one of these drugs makes using oxygen intense devices like scuba gear dangerous and poses a risk to blowing up my lung or something equally as horrendous!
Ahhhh yes, cancer: The gift that keeps on giving.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Haters they gonna hate..
Sometimes, I just need to vent. I don't need advice.
I think this quote I saw on a billboard in town says enough, "A closed mouth gathers no foot".
I think this quote I saw on a billboard in town says enough, "A closed mouth gathers no foot".
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