Things I Wish I Knew Before I Was Diagnosed With Cancer: Yes and No.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jeff-tomczek/cancer-advice_b_1628266.html

While there are nuggets of truth in this article, there are many things I disagree with or think should be dismantled in this piece.

1.  "You will never have the same sense of self. You should embrace this. Your old self was probably really great. Your transformed self will be even better. Give into what is happening and trust it. "

uhhhhh...no. 

One of the contributing reasons that we  have a "different" self-identity is because we are granted new (and oftentimes) oppressive labels for our status as people with chronic illnesses and medical subjects: "sick"; "cancer-patient"; "survivor"; "test-subject" for example. We lose the privilege of being seen as having "able" bodies and it is far from being a "better" identity. Disclosure of my illness results in pity, fear, and patronizing sympathy. The discovery of my illness is responded to with a medical, mechanistic detachment from my humanity. I am not a person anymore. I am a system of carefully synchronized organs and flesh-bound patterns to be predicted, controlled, and intervened upon. To survive, I had to disassociate from the pain and betrayal that emanated from my body. I was told that I could "overcome" my disease, I had to be strong. What they're saying is that my body is transgressing, deviant and I need to gain control over it: Cells multiplying out of control, invading my lymph nodes, and encroaching upon life-sustaining organs. Since my body is out of control, doctors and oncologists should to tell me how my flesh-system is dysfunctional and that their system is the only legitimate path to healing. 

I do not embrace the Cartesian split that denies my spiritual, emotional, and psychological reality and tells me that I must only listen to the "rational" or "logical" part of my mind. I don't trust a philosophy that has justified the marginalization, exploitation, and harm of communities of Color; Queer-identified people; women; people with dis/abilities...I am working to filter through the medical discourse that has forced me into detachment from my body. I will not give into it. 

This is not to be confused with a complete rejection of medical science or medical interventions. I simply resist that this is the only "right" way to healing and resist forces that promote medical objectivity; disconnection (in lieu of interconnectedness); and the denial of corporeal realities. 

2. "You will inspire others. It will feel weird. People you haven't spoken to since grade school will be in touch. [...] The influx of interest in your seemingly fading life will be greater than any living moment you have ever experienced. That support is what will shift a fading life into a surviving one. Be grateful for every message. Be appreciative of each gift and each visit. There will be moments where all of this attention will make you feel lonelier than you have ever felt in your life. In a hospital room full of people with messages stuffing your inbox, voicemail and mailbox you will find yourself feeling completely alone. This is when you will realize that you could afford to have a stronger relationship with yourself. That only you walk this earth with 100% investment in you. Make the investment and use this as an opportunity to reexamine your self-worth. Love yourself more than ever and recognize how much love there is for you in the world. Then start sharing that love. You will come to see that even when you are the neediest person you know you can still be giving. Giving will make you feel better than taking."

Love yourself and you'll overcome...blah blah blah. Same old crap. Stop using individualistic tropes to distract us from what really are the consequences of ableism. You'll get pity--in the form of cards, emails, voicemails, flower deliveries (picked by exploited Third World communities and shipped to the states)--but are you actually getting support? Are you actually getting resources to support your healing and/or dying process? Are there warm bodies there in the room with you, sharing your pain or working with you to advocate for your rights as a patient? Are people using their energies, skills, resources and capacities to change the medical industry or to perpetuate ableism? Isn't "inspiring" others (usually those without a dis/ability and/or chronic illness) as a form of "supercrip" mentality (see Eli Clare's 'Exile and Pride')?

3. " When you get to the other side you won't believe it. They will tell you the disease is gone. Everyone you know will rejoice and return back to their lives. You'll constantly wonder if it is coming back. Slowly this feeling will fade, but cancer will always be a part of you. It will define how you see the world moving forward." 

Isn't this the definition of privilege? If you are privileged, you get to "walk away from it" and "return to your life." As people with chronic illness and/or dis/abilities, we will always have this as a part of our epistemology (the way we see the world). But we don't get to shed it when everything is said and done.


Just my two cents..