Helpful Hints for Old Navy Shoppers

Dear Old Navy Shoppers, please stop the following immediately:

1. Acting like the store is your personal closet. This means don't ball unwanted clothes up, throw them into a pile or leaving bodily fluids on them. We don't have a washer/dryer.

2. Treating associates like slaves. We're not here to hold your clothing for you while you try things on or dote on you. We can't ignore all the other customers and we're getting paid WAYYYY to little to be your personal stylist.

3. Ignoring the signs and price tickets. Just read the sign. It explains everything you need to know. Consider retaking remedial math or carry a calculator to figure out our very basic discounts.

4. Bringing your brats (a.k.a.: grandchildren, kids, nieces, nephews etc). They pull shit off the shelves, get sticky snack crap everywhere and climb on clothing racks.

5. Complaining about the prices. We already have cheap, cheap prices. Don't ask for additional discounts for things in the super-duper clearance sections. It's as far down in price as we can go. Does it really matter when last year's sweaters are $0.67, anyway?

6. Leaving your finished Starbucks, Jamba Juice, Jack-in-the-Box cups on the shelves. Nasty, gross. Just disgusting. WE HAVE TRASH BINS.

7. Being offended when we say hi or ask if you need anything. We are REQUIRED to do this and if we don't, we get a poor review. We're not going to keep hounding you if you just say hi back and say that you're finding everything okay or that you don't need help. You don't need to be rude about it.

8. Commenting that our job is easy or that it isn't hard work. Obviously you have never worked retail. You'd be surprised to learn that I'm working a back-breaking, patience-testing and intellectually vapid position as a cancer survivor with a Master's degree. I would choose a day of chemo or a challenging, advanced degree over retail work ANY day.

9. Asking when our next clearance sale is. Sales associate monkeys, like myself, have no way of knowing this. We walk in and get told what sales/deals are happening. We get zero ahead notice.

10. Asking me if I like this or that. I have no idea what to say. Even when I do, the customers never agree with me anyway. My default from now on is, "yes" no matter how damned hideous it looks on you. It is much easier to just lie from now on.

11. Getting angry if we ask for your email address at check-out. Again, this is something we are required to ask for and you DO get a coupon. If you don't want it just say, "No thank you". Don't act like it is invasive that we asked or assume that we're trying to scam you. TRUST ME, I don't like the idea either and I don't want to type in your girly, 10th grade email address or perverted, web-stalker pedophile screen name, such as unicorn_fluppypuppy_rainbow_chickk@hotmail.com or thick_n_hard69@yahoo.com.

12. Hanging things up for us instead of letting the fitting room attendant do it. I know that this isn't something that you do maliciously and in a perfect world, it would be very very helpful. Please listen: IT ISN'T. When you leave with things, we assume you're going to buy them. When you hang them back up, you're not going to hang them properly, then things get tangled (especially tank tops, swim suits, spaghetti strap dresses and such), improperly folded, misplaced, or they end up on the floor, only to get soiled. We have to sweep through the departments and then rearrange, process and fix all of the things that get broken, tangled or mis-sorted through this process. It takes us MORE time to do that than if you just left the things you didn't want with me. Also, we get docked points on our CES reports for a messy, unorganized store. Just let the professionals hang things up to the corporate standard.

13. Assuming that just because something was on the table with so and so discount doesn't necessarily mean that it is guaranteed to get the discount. Sometimes messy customers like yourself will just drop crap on to the discount table. Don't get angry with us at check-out and try to squeeze a discount out of it just because an item was misplaced. It's not going to happen.

14. Asking us if item X is going to shrink. If it is 100% cotton, what do you think? Try washing it in cold water, air drying it, or using Woolite instead of just randomly tossing it into the washer with boiling hot water. In sum: Take care of your clothes, people.


15. Returning items from last Christmas. Please, dear god, just try things on before you buy them or try to expediently get your lazy butt back into the nearest Old Navy when you have a return. You are NOT getting the full ticket price refund when its over 2-years old. It's hardly worth it for us to do the mark-down and put it back into the clearance section.

16. Interrupting the check-out process with last minute decisions and nay-says. Examine the stuff you got before you get to the check out line. It takes us so much more time to get you through when you keep changing your mind about items. Don't just throw stuff into your bag. Carefully think about each thing you're buying before going up to purchase it.

17. Assuming that I am of lower intelligence because I work a retail job. Yeah, sure, this is a job for banal high school students but I just so happen to be, unfortunately, living in a small town and between finishing my Master's degree and starting a Ph.D. program this fall. I just need something to pay the bills until then, so at least don't assume anything, pay me a little respect and don't talk to me like I'm an idiot.

18. Ignoring the other effing signs. Do you know how much time I waste per shift taking a customer by the hand like a two year old and guiding them to the bathroom or fitting rooms? Even if they are less than 10 feet away? WE HAVE SIGNSSSSSSSS