The Very Definition of..

sick·ly   [sik-lee] -li·er, -li·est, adverb, verb, -lied, -ly·ing.
adjective
1. not strong; unhealthy; ailing.
2. of, connected with, or arising from ill health: a sickly complexion.
3. marked by the prevalence of ill health, as a region: the epidemic left the town sickly.
4. causing sickness.
5. Nauseating.


The Very Definition Of
Oh I'm sorry, does my port scar nauseate you?
Do I make the hair on the back of your neck stick up?
Does the thought make you cross yourself?
Thank-your-lucky stars that it didn't happen to you?
The oh-so-very-special you?
Did you panic imagining yourself sitting in that hospital bed
gratefully eating butterscotch pudding and saltines
asking the universe to give you the strength to keep it down?
Did you envision your body becoming lost in wires, lines, and devices designed to keep you alive?
Did you imagine your body treated like a living experiment
the newest receptacle for medical science?

Did you imagine losing your hair?
Did you imagine losing yourself?

My body refuses to fit your rigid little boxes. I'm breaking through this shit with some advice: Never call me "sickly".

The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off. --Gloria Steinem

Peripheral Neuropathy

Ugh. Just...Ugh.

Considering that I did not have a super long chemo treatment regimen, I thought that I might be exempt from "Peripheral Neuropathy"...capital P, capital N!

DUN DUN DUNNNNN!!!!

"Perpipheral Neuropathy" just sounds so..mysterious and scary, right? But once you do get it, man does it feel WEIRD! It's like I stuck my finger in a light socket, electric waves shooting up and down my arm. Sometimes it feels like I slept on it and I start getting those weird weak, numb feelings deep in my right arm. I like to try to convince myself that it's from all of the crazy typing, note-taking, and computer work that I've been doing since I got into my grad program.

I was wondering if any cancer survivors reading out there have ever had long-term eye twitching and/or ocular migraines as a side effect of chemo/radiation treatment. I once had a really strange headache, paired with a "ring" or "aura" in my left eye. Everything seemed to feel like I was looking through a fish bowl lens. I am definitely due for a check-up so I'll be sure to bring this up with my doc, but that weird migraine really, really freaked me out. I've heard from other cancer patients that chemo can mess with your vision. Hopefully it isn't anything serious. o_O

I've been really bad about keeping up with my health since I got to Texas. I had to wait for my insurance to kick in (December) and now I'm on the hunt for new oncologist that won't break the bank. Health care is so damned expensive. I'm still paying off bills I incurred in 2009! I honestly cannot afford to get sick again and it amazes me that anyone can stay healthy in this damn country! Moreover, I have to make sure that this person is "in my network" so I don't have to pay more. I can hardly afford to pay my bills and keep food on the table, let alone pay extra for my long-term follow-up care.

Ugh..Just Ugh!

Weeping

A fellow Smithie lost her battle with cancer, January 30th, 2012. This disease is relentless.

Please keep the Capen family in your thoughts.

http://kirbystrong.wordpress.com/

A Big "Thank You!": Fundraising Update

Thank you to everyone that donated this past fall. I was able to put your donations toward the cost of textbooks. I am so grateful for your support! It is my hope that continued fundraising will help me continue my studies. Please accept my deepest gratitude and I encourage you to pass on my fundraising page to anyone that is interested in donating.

Hope you had a wonderful holiday!

http://www.alltuition.com/community/Susan.Schmitt/

Need Insurance?

It saddens me that people who are ill cannot be allowed to focus on healing and not on their wallets. It my hope that changes in insurance and health care will support the well-being and health of every person in our country.

To all folks without health insurance and with "pre-existing conditions", check out government supported PCIP insurance plans: https://www.pcip.gov/

It has helped many people with serious medical conditions and who are without insurance and denied coverage due to exclusionary and subjective criteria called "pre-existing conditions". This is a transitional program until 2014 when "pre-existing conditions" will no longer be allowed to define coverage criteria. If you can't afford the premiums, there are Medicaid options to help you get the insurance and care you need. Please pass this on!

While many people will still have lingering medical bills even with PCIP, it is still a much needed resource and a step in the right direction. It just amazes me, don't medical personnel take oaths to heal not HURT people? Since when did medicine become a source of capital and not about healing the sick and caring for the weary? When was it ever okay to swindle those who are in most need of help? The sheer dishonesty..

This post was inspired by an image I saw at: http://giveneyestosee.com/blog/

Cancer and Beauty

I think this is an awesome website, featuring photography of women who have/are undergoing breast cancer treatments. http://www.beautyandthebreastproject.com/index2.php

It inspired me to share my own post-cancer survivor pictures. This is a big deal for me. I am pretty self-conscious of my multiple scars and the marks that allude all manner of tubes, biposies, and medical devices. The area that housed my port has exploded into a very visble, red kleoid scar. I am still in the habit of tying a scarf around my neck or wearing baseball t-shirts to hide it. I'm learning to show it off more, but I'm afraid of getting the same old questions, "Wow, how did you get that nasty scar?", "What happened to YOU?"

This is my venture into cancer self-confidence! Enjoy! [not too much! ;)]


Hamming it up.


















Showing off my survivor tattoo!










Stay strong! You are beautiful!